Too thin? Never..

i haven't posted in soooo long...

i'm now 120 lbs at 5'11, which is my all time low. My parents know everything though, and they know its still is going on which is crazy..

i've been on the craziest cycle ever lately.. i eat mainly fruit, never more than 4 or 500 cals which has maintained my weight, but i ultimately wanted to be 117. I am now addicted to cigarettes, laxatives, diet pills, and I have been diagnosed with ADD so i will probably start taking Adderall which helps with weight loss. i've experimented with some drugs as well, Kate Moss style if you know what i mean...

my life has been sooo insane lately, my family is worried and i don't blame them, but I can't let go of this. All i want is to lose more weight, and I want people to tell me i'm too skinny. I want to look ana, because thats what I am, and I want people to get a clue. I miss you girls, and I know how much strength it takes to withstand all the temptations and negative feedback.. best of luck <3

It's been awhile since i've written an actual entry on this thing...

Basically, I've been extremely restrictive the last week and a half, eating around 100 cals a day, being pretty active, taking diet pills, and not eating after 6 or 7 pm. I have managed to get down to 123 pounds at 5'10'', which honestly is the skinniest i've been at this height. I believe i was around 130 a week ago so thats about 7 or 8 pounds in the last week. I plan on losing 5 more to make it my goal of 118. That would be sooooooooo amazing...

Anywayyy, I sometimes wonder when I'm going to finally be happy. It's not like being anorexic makes me happy and i know that, but neither does being fat. You really can't win in life. I have noticed habits change in my behavior too, i used to be kinda messy and i'd sleep in and watch TV like any normal 18 year old girl, but now i find myself cleaning all the time, gettin up at 7am for no reason, doing little exercises all the time and NEVER watching TV because i know itll make me wanna eat. It's been hard keeping this from my parents...

My birthday is in 2 days, and i know the Rents will wanna take me out and dine me... but im sooo over it. the best present would be to let me not eat the entire day...

it's 12:35 am in California, and i'm wide wake scared to go to sleep because i want to burn off as much of the stupid food i had to eat for dinner by keeping my metabolism working. i know lack of sleep slows it down too, but i'd rather it be a little slower tomorrow than to let this food sit in my stomach over night and attach itself to my fat deposits forming excess layers of squishy skin to my thighs and butt. yep. disgusting huh? food is disgusting. it's the only thing in the world you can do that doesnt burn calories. everything burns calories, even sitting on the couch watching movies.. unless you're eating when your doing it. i can't believe it's considered healthy to have FAT in your diet... wtf?? what are these people smoking?? the world is fat enough, not to mention all this processed food and starchy shit us Americans throw in our bodies.. no wonder obesity is up there in common causes of DEATH. in my opinion, being obese is worse than being anorexic.

Good morning all...

Breakfast this morning is coffee and vitamin pills
I think lunch will be water/diet coke
Hopefully dinner is nothing, but i doubt it.. maybe an apple?

Good luck and stay strong!!!!

Ok so, me being the stupidest person alive, I broke down to my parents the other day and totally spilled the beans about me being anorexic.. they weren't too freaked out actually, they said they had noticed my eating habits change, and i looked skinnier and "bony". I loved hearing this, but then realized of course they're gonna want me to get help.. the only good thing about all this is that I move out this weekend to another house with my best friend.. THANK THE LORD. I won't have to deal with parents, but my best friend knows about my ED and I think she'll watch out for me. (She's the skinniest person alive and eats anything she wants though, which is SO unfair) I need to know even better ways to hide my eating, or lack-there-of rather..

Hey everyone, I'm new and I thought I'd introduce myself.. my name is AC, I'm 18 and I live in beautiful southern CA.. here are my stats..

Height: 5'10''
CW: 125
1st GW: 118
2nd GW: 112
HW: 130
LW: 119

I've had an ED for about half a year now, and it's been getting worse.. I feel like a failure when I eat, I am obsessive about becoming skinny (mainly for modeling) and it's all I think about. Counting calories has become my life and I need support from all of you. I would love some tips on becoming thinner and how to do it right, and how to lose the weight asap. Thanks everyone, all my love.

xo AC xo